Who Do You Looove?

I just had a conversation with someone about this yesterday and I felt it was worth writing about since I'm sure everyone else has thought about it.

Wouldn't it be nice if you just knew who liked you? Not in a friend way, but romantically. I mean, it's so hard to muster up the courage to talk to a crush when you have no idea if they feel the same way. It would take the confusion and anxiety out of a wholly nerve-wracking situation.

Of course there are flaws to this idea. If someone knew you liked them and didn't like you back, you might be a frequent target of mockery by them and their friends.

But it is so hard to tell someone your feelings toward them-- or at least it is for me. In fact, I've never done that. That would probably explain my guy-free history. Well, there have been boys in the past, but the feeling was not mutual on my end and I refuse to lead a guy on. It's a bit sleazy to me. Maybe one day I'll "give a guy a chance," as it was put to me, but for now I'll stay true to my heart.

Another perfect solution would most definitely be catching signs. Unfortunately guys don't notice them (according to my magazine, I don't know personally because, well, I'm a girl) and girls over-analyze every little thing so that a compliment to someone other than her means he doesn't like her and the fact that he responded to a question she asked must mean he thinks she's hot. (Unless that's just me and in that case...well, I feel bad for myself.)

The thing is, to each person I'm sure you think it's super obvious when you like someone. To help illustrate my point, I will once again and as usual draw from my own experience:

I am the most awkward person you will ever meet when it comes to the guys I like. "Charming" is the absolute polar opposite to what I am. The closest word I can think of the describe it is "sketch," and that doesn't really fully articulate my undeniable creephood.
I don't talk a lot to them, if at all. I've tried to convince myself that I'm playing "hard to get" when, really, I'm playing "scared shitless." I stare excessively. It may look like I'm zoning out but I'm generally imagining things that are best not described. When I do talk, I make horrid jokes. Horrid. And then I laugh at them like they're the funniest thing I ever heard. Finally, whenever the "liked" guy talks to me or in my general direction, I laugh really breathlessly and smile a little too widely.

Now if only these guys knew that. It would save me a whole lot of trouble because I would never really have to think of telling them. On top of that, it would boost their confidence so that, if they liked me back, they could tell me.

Not long ago my dad told me about this book he had read. In it, this man was given the powers of God for a week or a month (I'm not entirely sure exactly how long) and he could do or change anything he wanted. (No, this is not Bruce Almighty.) Well the one thing that the man wanted to do was change the human body so that, for a man, their penis was on their forehead. (I have no idea why the hell my father told me about this.) When God asked him why he would do this, the man explained that priests weren't supposed to get turned on or be sexually attracted to anyone and so, with a penis on their head, they couldn't hide any excitement.

Looking beyond the literal context of a penis-forehead, that's almost exactly what I'm saying. Since we're all not priests, we have nothing to hide! (Let's ignore the religious context, because that's a whole other subject that I refuse to get into.)

I would ask why we aren't more open about our feelings toward others, but I know the answer and mentioned it before, in different words.

We don't want to be judged or mocked. It's a bit sad, I think, that those are the reactions that are received after expressing our love or 'like', but it is what it is.

I always thought I would have had at least a "boo" at this point in my life, but apparently I was wrong. Until I find someone man enough to tell me the truth, that ain't happening. And they've got to be creative about it too.

You can go back to your life now.

Kiah

[PS- The book is called "The Duppy" by Anthony C. Winkler, if you're curious.]