The Art of Conversation

This topic came to mind yesterday at work. I work at a library and shelve books. So yesterday, as I'm shelving, a man goes to take a book out from beside me. Startled (I zone out very often), I whipped my head to look at him.
"Hey, how's it going?" he asked politely, though I'm sure he was also startled at my sudden and probably terrifying stare.
"I'm good, how are you?" I responded, the words rolling off my tongue effortlessly, rehearsed, robotically.
"I'm fine, thanks," he said. He picked up his book. "Have a nice night."
"You too," I replied, this time without even bothering to look in his direction.

Effortlessly, rehearsed, and robotically are my emphasis in that whole, brief conversation. Afterwards I realized how shit that exchange was. He didn't care about how I was, he was just filling up awkward silence. And I, not wanting to be talked to, responded quickly just to get it over with. I hadn't even been truthful. If I had, my answer would have sounded a little more like, "Well I'm bored as hell, my legs hurt and I feel like sleeping right now. I was feeling a bit charitable and offered to stay an extra two hours for work but now that I've done it I'm slowly sinking into a quicksand of regret. I don't feel like talking right now, I just want to wallow in self-pity." (However I think it's best I didn't say that--a little overwhelming to a stranger...)

I realized how often we all do that. Just for etiquette's sake, not because we actually want to know someone and have an actual interest in them. I think I would be more curious with the people I have pointless conversations with if I wasn't so used to everyone else treating me that way.

And we can learn so much from people when they start talking! A few weeks ago I was walking to work and as I was crossing the street this truck almost turned into me and the woman who was walking in front of me. What started as her commenting, "That truck almost hit us!" turned into this life-story where I was the listener, for once (very rare). I learned that she had just met this guy through her one friend who doesn't like going to the movie theatres because he feels it's pointless when he has a big screen television. That same friend was driving his sister and her friend to Niagara Falls from Mississauga the next day--a long drive. But it was okay, she assured me, he's quiet and likes to drive.
Last year this man started talking to me about this hip-hop opera he was writing that takes place in Rome and that's why he was pulling out a book on Roman architecture. (I was at work again.)
Last week I had a conversation with this woman who sat beside my friend and I on a bench about the bands at the Sound of Music Festival and how busy it was on the night Marianas Trench and Faber Drive were playing.

My point is, there's so much to learn if we just ask the right questions. But the other person has to be willing too, I guess.

Okay, this is going downhill now so I'll stop.

You can go back to your life now.

Kiah.