2.11.11

Outward Portrayal

I recently noticed that everyone sees me a lot differently than I see myself. And I'm not sure that I like that. Because I like the me I know much better. And I'm not sure how to make people see me that way.

My parents know me all right, I guess. It's my friends that are different. In every group of friends I've always, always been the "funny one," but the fact is I'm really not that funny. Obviously I must be because everyone sees me that way, but I just don't get it...the things that I say are never meant to entertain.

Now it's not as if people have a negative perception of me. Quite the contrary, people genuinely seem to like me so I suppose how I'm seen isn't bad from that perspective...but, all the same...

No one takes me seriously as the "funny one." I absolutely hate this view of me because I'm made fun of all the time to point where I don't want to tell people things or don't want to wear certain things or go certain places in fear of being judge or not taken seriously. I really do pride myself on who I am but, again, no one sees that. But I go along with it because I don't think people can see me any other way.

The truth is, I don't want to go to university across the country because of the education. One reason I have is the campus because it's beautiful.

But the driving forces of my decision to leave are two reasons: first, for acting and, second, for a fresh start.

I love all of my friends here, but I really can't take this anymore.

I think this post is fuelled by things that happened a few days ago, where I took on another role as a friend which felt over-looked. Again, I love my friends. But they don't know me.

You can go back to your life now.

Kiah

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