On Love

It's now clear to me that I will likely be alone for a very long time.
This isn't me moping, on the contrary, I believe that love will surely be my own demise.

I'm a woman of passion. Nothing I do is halfway done. And so were I to fall in love and, as I'm lead to believe by others and literature, devote my life to another being, I believe all other things on my mind should fall away. And what would I be then?

If love were to ever succeed with me, the man I fall in love with should be passionate as well. And selfish. Though it is nice to be around thoughtful people, the selfish man will likely more readily forgive me for my own selfishness.
Is it strange that I'd love someone self-absorbed? Someone who knows their goals and goes after them.
Though not a requirement, I do quite like the idea of an artistic man, perhaps a fellow actor. I've always adored the idea of having photographer or director beau.

I'm attracted to talent. With passion always comes talent, at least in my experience. When one loves something they put everything into getting better at it. Oh, how attractive talent is...
Which explains my (few) infatuations-- the real ones, that is. There were some merely because I liked the idea of that boy or man, but not he in himself.
As I think now, the only two "attainable" men I've ever had a crush on were talented in sport and smart in school, though one did not show that in his marks exactly. But he had a mind that made me think...

My current infatuation is with a man I'll surely never meet (such is the fate of the forever-alone, those around you become uninteresting and the unattainable become the object of affection). Though good-looking, I know this feeling starts completely with what he does and how he does it. He's an actor. And he's said that he is intent on putting his career first.
Essentially, he's perfect.

I don't want someone merely to call my boyfriend. I want someone who I can talk with. I want someone who I can learn about. I want someone with more beneath the surface.
And as I begin to define who this is in my mind, the list of eligible bachelors decreases considerably.

And that is why I believe I will likely be alone for a long time.

You can go back to your life now.

Kiah