Tattoo

Over the years I've started to notice how fragile human memories are. We have absolutely no control over what stays in our minds and what drifts off into nothingness, unless we solidify it somehow. I have this blog, my Tumblr, and my own personal journal to help me out a bit. But there are certain things I don't want to remember, necessarily, that have been written down. And when I come across them I can't help but sigh and wonder why I decided to dwell on that subject just then, because it brings it (the situation, the feelings, etc.) back to me in the present...

I'm getting slightly off-topic right now.

The topic I wish to write about is tattoos. This is mostly because I've been seriously toying with the idea of getting one--"seriously" as in I booked an appointment for tomorrow at 5:30. This morning I woke up and cancelled it. Though I've wanted this specific tattoo for a few years now, the idea of it being so permanent scares me...I mean, hell, the very idea of committing to having a boyfriend gives me a bad feeling--a tattoo's forever! My problem is that I get tired of things much too quickly.

Not long after I cancelled my appointment, I realized again that it would be nice to get the tattoo. I'll say it again: I've wanted it for years. But there's always a "what if?" for me.

The tattoo I want would be in the middle of my forearm and read, "All the world's a stage" in Courier New. Simple and perfect for me as it would serve as a reminder of the one real passion I have in life which is acting. But then I got to thinking, "What if it doesn't work out? What if I don't become an actress?" That tattoo would just serve as a reminder of my failure...

Now I don't plan on failing. And the truth that is blatantly obvious to me (and always is) is that I'm over-thinking this way too much. But a tattoo is so permanent!

Which leads me to wonder if it's so bad to forget things at all. Sure, I may want to remind myself of what I love to do with all my heart, but I can summon that up whenever I want because I love it that much. To try and force myself in the future to have the same feelings merely by ink on my arm might be a bit selfish of my present-self. Okay, I'm definitely over-thinking it at this point.

There's just so much in my life that I love, but there's about the same amount in my life that I used to love. And whenever I come across something that reminds me of what those things used to be, I get a bit nostalgic and regretful. For example, whenever I see dancers I always wonder why I ever quit dancing because it used to be one of my favourite things in the world. Or when I watch soccer I wonder why I quit that too--I was planning on becoming a professional player in grade 5! Or when I reread stories that I wrote a few years ago when I was going to pursue pretty much every career under the sun (partially because I'm bad at making choices, but mostly because my mom turned me into a cocky little brat who thought she could do anything...).

I guess my point here may be that it's a part of life to forget. There's nothing wrong with forgetting. In fact, it's probably best that we do. Why dwell on the past when the future is blank and ready to be created?

I suppose my decision's been made. I won't get the tattoo to remind myself of what I love right now. But I do still plan on getting one. I'm thinking an infinite sign on my back/the back of my neck? Nothing too tied to anything, but still with a bit of meaning.

You can go back to your life now.

Kiah